Even if it’s been sitting out for a while, it’s still Fresh Meat.

At the end of my last attempt at fresh meat, I found myself crying on the floor of the sport court that I had just busted my ass on for 2 hours. I felt defeated and disappointed in myself. My weakness was my commitment to the team due to work scheduling, and I beat myself up about it for days. Shortly after, I moved to Jersey temporarily (and yes, voluntarily). And of course, most of my time in Jersey was thinking about how much I missed skating. So I made the decision that when I got back to LA, roller derby was going to be one of two commitments for me; the other being work. I’m just kidding. The other commitment is eating at Canter’s at least once a week.
When I was finally done being melodramatic (probably 5 minutes ago) about not making the cut and reminded myself for the thousandth time how much roller derby means to me, I got back on board and went to Fresh Meat recruitment night. Again.
It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve done this, or how many of the girls I know, I still get the “first day of school” syndrome. I awkwardly walk in, half wave at the girls I know, sit as far away from the cool kids table as I can, and manage to drop every piece of gear at least twice while putting everything on. Then I get on the rink, and I always think that I’m going to be the most experienced skater in this fresh meat group…until a girl whizzes past me, skating backwards. So I drop my head and work on my transitions and snowplows some more.
Shin splints and foot cramps, really? It takes me off the rink in 5-8 minute intervals, just so I can roll around on the floor and silently curse my tree stump legs to remind them that this isn’t the first time we’ve done this. It’s like my body knows when I’m starting over, so it feels the need to go through all the aches and pains again. I guess I can’t blame it for doing so- it has every right to start over as well.
Sitting down to stretch, one of the fresh meat coaches tells the other, “Kitten was here my very first day!”
”I was here way before that too,” I said with a laugh. I really expected that sentence to come out peppered in sass and bitterness, and it surprised me when it didn’t. I’ve learned so much from roller derby so far, but it seems the one lesson I had yet to catch on to was the lesson of humility, and at that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My character a year ago would have been disheartened by going through the same class three times, and watching every girl get so much better when I felt like I was stuck in quicksand and a helmet. I pushed through as much as I could, and felt sorry for myself over and over again for not doing enough laps or really messing up that last drill, but last night I felt like my heart and my brain finally got together and said “alright, enough is enough. She’s depressing the hell out of us. It needs to stop.”
The next 6 weeks will change me more as a person than the other fresh meat classes had. I’ve said that before, but this time I’ve been humbled, and I no longer feel like not succeeding will bring my world crumbling down. To any girls reading this that are in fresh meat, are thinking of starting fresh meat, or starting fresh meat again, I hope you’ve all learned humility quicker than I have. If not, please try to let that be one of the first lessons you pick up from derby, aside from perfecting your derby stance. Roller girls, experienced or beginners, are sisters. And patience is a virtue, but it will never seem that way unless you can humble yourself around your sisters. And if this is another fresh meat class for you, then good! It means you’re not giving up, and you’re that much closer to being the roller girl you’ve always wanted to be. Everyone is learning at their own pace, no matter what rank they hold or how long they’ve been skating.  We’re all connected by 8 wheels and a pace line. You’ll always have someone to help pick you up when you’re down, but the trick is to let yourself fall every once in a while.
And hey….fourth times a charm, right?…..Right?!?
See you in hell. xo
Kitten Tarantino